“When you’re young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then you grow up and learn to be cautious. You can break a bone..or a heart. You look before you leap & sometimes you don’t leap at all because there’s not always someone there to catch you..and in life, there’s no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?”—Anna Tran, my neighbor turned roomate
I'm sort of down in the dirt. With that said, I'm finding so much inspiration and hope in your posts. The things you talk about, the way you express them, the way I can experience them... I find kinship in you and it's something I cherish because I don't feel that way about many people. Anyways, thank you. I hope it's mutual, but if it isn't just know that I'm thankful.
Very much valued and I am glad to be able to connect to you John! Get off the ground, off that dirt!
It’s 4:30 am here in New York, my roomates are asleep and I’ve locked myself in the bedroom, soaking myself in a documentary on 9/11. The subject was brought back to my recollection the other night when I went out on a date with a nice Columbia U gentleman, who introduced me to the videos. His full story has yet to be told, as he was in middle school (in NY) at the time. I can only reconstruct my own experience, remembering the day vividly, going thru it with my history class and classmates as a freshman in high school. It was only the first weeks of school and the event would forever be the second most traumatic experience of my life (and the world).
I don’t know exactly why I rehatch these moments in history. A part of me likes being reminded of the pain, trauma, n sadness that comes with it. A form of self torture really. Drowning myself in the stories of loss, that families grieve through, it’s really interesting and relevant. Doing this every so often, I can already predict what will happen to me in the next few hours, maybe days — I’ll go through a period of depression, sadness, even hatred over why the world’s so fucked up. Why bad things happen. Somehow, something will altar my course, I’ll walk the streets of Manhattan tomorrow, looking forward to the resilience of humanity, how we manage to rebuild, restore, and carry on with our lives while holding on within us memories of lost ones, history… Giving more life to what is present today.
Nearly a decade later, I find myself across the nation, in a city that once was only constructed in my mind thru the media and movies. Being here, where all of this happened, was not a large factor in my move, but possibly my subconsciousness bringing me to where I felt I needed to be. Not just a city that’s too much (because it is sometimes), but more about wanting to witness a new world. A place, a source, that forever changed the world. A place to heal amongst those who had to, or continually try to everyday.
I’m studying about it in school right now thru my art and drama courses. It’s empowering, that’s what I’ve been about, and will continue to be about til I’ve healed myself and the many people I hope to come across or have already.