Art is a way of making images, or objects, that reflect emotions, spiritual ideas or religious feelings that make us think about ourselves and the world. It is an attempt to explain why we, as human beings, try and make sacred, beautiful or meaningful objects that enhance our ways of living, or just make us feel better about the world we inhabit.
As Socrates pointed out, one mans idea of art is another man’s dog dinner. Defining what is art is almost as difficult as defining what is perfect or beautiful. It seems like there is much work to be done— I don’t have a current interest in creating art for people to gawk at and decide whether this is art or more commonly, whether something is beautiful, or makes sense, or means this or that. I’m going to take the time to use this vehicle as a way of breaking the misconstrued, misconceived notions of what is art, by simply working to use my art as a mode of expression, a reflection of my thoughts, current ideas, and reflecting on the world around through my visual statements. You may not ‘get it’, maybe I don’t fully either, but this is all part of the learning.
This could possibly be the most important thing I will ever write:
My friend asked tonight, "how many guy couples do you know, that are still together or have been together for a long time?"
I paused to think.
Thought of a couple I knew earlier during college, but realized they must have broken up since I see one of them with a new guy.
So no, I couldn’t think of anyone.
Why is that anyway?
So I paused to think a little harder, and came up with something simply by looking at myself.
What is my mind set right now?
I’ve been dating for about a year, got out of a heavy two year relationship, dealt with the whole post-break up-age, and where do I stand now, I ask myself.
I finally decided through much thought, that I am in no state of being in anything serious. Partly because I will be moving in August to New York for school (I don’t want to deal with long distance), partly because I am just looking to date and I haven’t found anything that has made me want to be in anything serious, reason being that no one has quite had that woo effect on me yet, and really, what is the point in settling down right now when there is so much eye candy, and hot fucks to be fucked. Get real people — men are pigs. We like pretty things, we like sex. You either get it through being in a relationship where you commit to fucking your boyfriend every night, and risk yourself every day, fearing that your other has his wandering eyes, or you stay single and slut around until it gets tiring. Take your pick. It doesn’t seem like there is much anything reliable nowadays, which is why I’ve become slightly pessimistic at times and come into every encounter with a guy with little expectations anymore, knowing in the back of my mind that it’s probably not going to work out, because it hasn’t.
And the fact that I can’t think of one gay couple who’s been together for more than 3 years — it is ridiculous to me. Granted, I am young, 23, and most guys my age are in a similar vein, I am speaking more in terms of when I hit my 30’s (an ideal time), will I find a decent guy who will have the same values and wants as me? I am hopeful, but it looks hazy. And dear god, I refuse to be like the sad 35+ year old (not just them, but anyone really) who I come across that are still in the closet, sleeping with guys my age, hiding their identities and being miserable. Too bad for not having the balls to live truthfully. And thankyouverymuch for keeping homosexuality invisible, perpetuating the fear, hate, ignorance, stereotypes and homophobia even more. Way to progress and be a part of the revolution.
What is it that defines happiness? What do we all want, maybe not necessarily right now depending on our age and mind-frame, but eventually we all want:
- A happy, healthy, trusting, loving (and hopefully a passionate) relationship with our significant other - A supportive family - A nice home - A solid career or at least making the money to buy things we like
And we can fit much of the rest based on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, but let’s just say that all four of those things will branch into satisfying all our human needs.
It seems like there is much doubt about whether gay men can live up to all of these traditional, but yet very basic human needs. What is a guy my age suppose to look forward to, if I can’t even think of a single committed, committed gay couple. We’re not even allowed marriage rights yet — it’s still a civil war. And homophobia is still rampant all over the place. How, just how, am I suppose to have faith that my future is bright?
Well damn it. This is the fight. This is the struggle that we queer, gay men and women must deal with. And how do we deal? By fucking breaking down all of these doubts by living it. I pledge my entire life to live fulfillingly, by living truthfully, in order to live happily.
It is hard enough being Asian, living in Conservative-Town-Orange County, being young and gay. This slutting around, being hormonal, being 20 shit, I hope will die down. And I am letting it. I am focused on my career and accomplishments first. No guy is going to distract me away from it. And with hope, after a few years of growing up and being even more comfortable in my new found skin, will I then start having all of the things off the needs list checked off. While I did NOT choose to be gay, I will take on the burden of having and needing to live the life that was given to me. Prove, people, wrong.
We live in a world where too much is never enough, and our lifestyles demand that we constantly gather, accumulate, and acquire.
But surviving the ever-growing complexity of things isn’t about peeling back the layers to reach the most refined essence of self. It’s about growing, changing, and adapting as we evolve into contemporary urban warriors.
“The internet has ended the monopoly on information by the elite - nowadays, even a teenager in a small town in Serbia can be as well informed as Barack Obama or Carine Roitfeld. Online blogs are doing the same thing to fashion. The inspiration process is no longer vertical like it was back in the days when the industry would create the new trends and looks for the masses to imitate. We’ve reached a point where there’s no more top-tier and bottom-rung, no more ‘high fashion vs. high street’. Instead of following trends, people prefer to set their own. They’ve come to expect more from fashion than a list of orders to be obeyed. This love for the custom-made, intensely individual look has grown noticeably since 2001, when the invention of the ipod began allowing people to update playlists constantly and to juxtapose the complete contents.”—says Yvan Rodic, Face Hunter
And with the advent of social media sites, we now have a new generation of personalization, the individual as percieved through the net — curating your own style and persona. Trends are dead, you can now be yourself. Neitzsche’s exhortion, ‘Become what you are’ is now a reality.
Katrina Nova: staring at these boxes in my room is making me really sad 10 minutes ago via Facebook
So that’s it. We’re all growing up and parting our ways now huh?
I will miss all the wonderful friends I’ve made. This week, with it being graduation and all, has made me think. Having grown up with not very many friends — seeking companionship mainly through online relationships and close family — going from that to having met so many people over a concentrated time frame of five years, I’ve had the privilege of bonding with so many great people. And the struggle nowadays is to keep up with all of these friendships and making time. All these social webs that I’ve created and all the stories, conversations, debates, arguments, jokes and laughs, have been so worthwhile and it has made my college experience what it is. And through them, I’ve learned much about myself. As sad as I am this month about ending things and wanting to take up the opportunities to hang out with them all one last big time during summer break, I just have to close another chapter and move on. A lot of us are moving on. Some know where they’re going, many do not.
An elderly lady came to my window at work the other week and asked how old I was. I replied I was 23 — she responded with saying, “Ah, yes, the twenties. Such an amazing time to be alive. It is the age where possibilities are endless. The next struggle for men won’t be until the fifties when you hit your mid life crisis, and all the things you said you wanted to do in your twenties, suddenly realizing that they haven’t yet been fulfilled”
I will save my tears for August, though, there have been quite a lot of tears shed these years. Not much has changed.
“I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn’t a second at all, it stretches on forever, like an ocean of time… For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars… And yellow leaves, from the maple trees, that lined our street… Or my grandmother’s hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper… And the first time I saw my cousin Tony’s brand new Firebird… And Janie… And Janie… And… Carolyn. I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me… but it’s hard to stay mad, when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once, and it’s too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst… And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life… You have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m sure. But don’t worry… you will someday.”—American Beauty, 1999
“I like American films best, I think they’re so great, they’re so clear, they’re so true, their surfaces are great. I like what they have to say: they really don’t have much to say, so that’s why they’re so good. I feel the less something has to say the more perfect it is. Who wants the truth? That’s what show business is for - to prove that it’s not what you are that counts, it’s what you think you are.”—Andy Warhol on ‘vacant, vacuous Hollywood’ — everything he wanted to mold his life into.
We may not notice it - it might still be under the radar, but there is still much much hate and misunderstanding all around. You may not think of it as anything, but it is something lifelong that I will (and my brothers and sisters) have to deal with. I’m saddened to hear stories of these encounters. But regardless of what degrading thing some nutsack stranger says to me about my sexuality, I can’t stop myself from loving whoever I want and being truthful, genuinely happy.
They can never take that away from us — we must press forward.